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033: Stranger Danger!

In this cheery show we’re discussing risk and danger and how much you should protect your offspring from the horrors of the world. We chat about physical danger, whether to worry about strangers, and the new dangers that lurk in the internet.

But basically we’re just listing ways your kids might die.

Links for you:

We chatted about when you need to go to A&E with head injuries – please, please, please read the official NHS guidelines rather than listen to us.

If you’ve got ten minutes and don’t mind a bit of swearing, watch this brilliant bit of comedian Louis CK talking about dealing with bullies (NSFW).

We talk about causes of death amongst children. Not the happiest chat, but if you want to read about child mortality risks, you can read this RCPCH report.

Sally claimed that a Boscastle Museum has a display of fossilised dog poo. We don’t know if it’s still there but if you visit the Museum of Witchcraft and Magic and let us know, that would be great.

And finally, here’s the NSPCC’s advice on keeping kids safe online.

Thanks for listening and stay safe kids.

Robbie & Sally xxx

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032: Sports For Children

In this episode we learn how to properly Judy Murray your kids and set them up for athletic glory, about Sally’s sporting success in the fields of horse beauty and hockey, and her shame at being kicked out of Brownies for planting pornography in a child’s bag.

We also discuss pole dancing for kids, and a recent incident at a school fete.

Pop on your jock strap and prepare for thirty minutes of sporting discourse to rival the Olympics.

Yours in athletic endeavour,

Robbie Ennis-Hill & Sally Farrah xxx

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031: Holidaying With Kids

Villa? Hotel? Tent? Booze cruise? In Milk Faced 31 we discuss the ideal holiday with kids, and how to make your summer break as pain free as possible.

Links for you:

Our upcoming skiing adventure where we intend not to see our kids for a week is with Ski Esprit.

Sally’s fancy Portuguese holiday tip was to go to Martinhal, some kind of hotel/villa/childcare utopia.

And her favourite childhood holiday destination was Port Quin in Cornwall, a haven of rock pooling.

Thanks for listening. Let us know your holiday advice by e-mailing us: hello@milkfaced.co.uk

Bon vacances,

Robbie & Sally xxx

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030: Milk Faced – The Return

Hello sailors! The good ship Milk Faced is back in port. Shiver me timbers, etc.

After eight months of intensive podcasting training (drinking gin) we’ve returned to the virtual airwaves with renewed vigour. This episode is a recap where we discuss what we’ve been up to since the last episode.

A few things we discuss on the show:

If you want to enter into the soul-crushing misery of unicorns and pixies that is the Secret Kingdom books by Rosie Banks, then be our guest.

If you’re bored of The Gruffalo and want to discover some excellent, less widely known books, check out the brilliant Two In A Tepee blog.

If you want free photos of your children, Sally recommended Free Prints, a site which sends you free 6×4″ photos that you upload. We’ve done some research since the show, and it seems to be legit. They’re going to make their money by printing adverts on the back of photos, but you can probably live with that, right?

Thanks for listening. We’re back next week when we talk about holidays with children.

Thanks,

Robbie & Sally xxx

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029: Kellie Shirley Has Twins

_NhiG0rkFor the Milk Faced Christmas special we’ve been chatting to Kellie Shirley, actress off of Eastenders, The Office, Wimbledon, Run For Your Wife and One Man Two Governors. She talks about her 4-month-old twins, Christmas, Wetherspoons, acting, and wine obviously.

During the podcast Kellie weirdly plugged Dawn French’s new book According to Yes.

Kellie was also a fan of Carpet Corner in Penge. So go there if you need a carpet. And live near Penge.

If you enjoyed Kellie you can read her parenting column in Closer, or follow her on Twitter.

Thanks for listening and HAVE A BLOODY MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Robbie & Sally xxx

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028: Boys v Girls with Georgina Fuller

In this episode the journalist Georgina Fuller joins us to chat about a variety of topics including the difference between boys and girls, life in the countryside, saying yes to things, village Zumba,  and the time Robbie accidentally punched a woman in the face. Oh, and how much she’d spend on a bottle of wine obviously.

It’s a return to silliness after a couple of more serious (but utterly brilliant) episodes, so don’t expect anything too highbrow.

In other news we weren’t drunk when we recorded this. Check us out. We’re like proper adults.

If you enjoyed Georgie, why not follow her on Twitter or visit her website.

Thanks for listening.

Robbie & Sally xxx

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027: Adoption

In this episode of Milk Faced we speak to Randall and Stuart, a gay couple with two adopted children who tell us about their experiences of adoption in America, and how it differs from the UK system.

It’s a bit more serious than the usual nonsense we churn out, and gets a bit emotional in parts so have your handkerchief at the ready. It’s an amazing story.

If you want more information, Randall and Stuart recommend a couple of organisations.

New Family Social is a network providing adoption and fostering support for the LGBT community.

The UK children’s charity Barnardo’s provides advice for anybody considering fostering or adoption.

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Take Out The Fucking Car Seat

Take out the fucking car seat.Car Seat

Just do it. It will change your life.

You took it out that one time when you had to pick up your gran and replacing it fucking destroyed you. I get that. I don’t care.

Take out the fucking car seat.

The other day I had to take out the fucking car seat because I had to drive a client for work. Replacing it? Fucking horrific.

Then I had to take it out again a week later, and do you know what?

It was easy.

Take out the fucking car seat.

IT WILL CHANGE YOUR FUCKING LIFE.

Remember when the bloke from Halfords fitted it in two minutes? That could be you. Two goes and you’ll be set for life.

Take out the fucking car seat.

Hark back to yonder time before you had the fucking car seat. Remember when you could fit four or five adults in your car? When someone asking for a lift would be greeted by a “yeah, sure” rather than some bullshit excuse about how you’ve got some imaginary bit of furniture in the back because you’re too ashamed to say you’re a grown adult and you can’t take out the fucking car seat. You want those heady days of youth back?

Take out the fucking car seat.

Not the ISOFIX one. Anyone can take out the ISOFIX one. Take out the one you bought when you didn’t understand these things, the one that would eventually betray you, occupying your Vauxhall Vectra long after you’ve done your fiftieth soft play trip of half term like a sick stained Judas Iscariot.

Take out the fucking car seat.

You get your car back. You get your freedom back.

You get your dignity back.

Take out the fucking car seat.

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026: Should I Have A Baby? (With Sadie Hasler)

Sadie HaslerIn Milk Faced 026 we talk to the award winning playwright, author, columnist, actress and co-artistic director of Old Trunk Theatre Company, Miss Sadie Hasler, as she talks about deciding whether tor not to have children.

The first three minutes is basically just a bunch of people shrieking having been in the pub too long, but after that it turns into a lovely discussion about making one of the biggest decisions anyone will have in their life.

It’s a bit sweary, so don’t listen in front of the kids. We also talk about sperm bandits, adoption, bags of dog poo and pizza.

Once you’ve listened, e-mail us at hello@milkfaced.co.uk to let us know if Sadie should get preggers. We’ll do our best to make your wishes come true.

PramkickerSadie has written a play about this very topic, called Pramkicker. It’s running at the Edinburgh Fringe and you can buy tickets here. If you’d like to support the arts, you can even donate to her Kickstarter page so she does’t go bankrupt.

Thanks for listening and sorry we’ve been so slack recently. We’ll do better, we promise.

Robbie & Sally xxx


 

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025: Children’s Parties with Joz Norris

Joz NorrisThis week children’s entertainer, comedian and general nice man Joz Norris tells us all about kids’ parties, magic tricks, and hitting on hot nannies.

There’s plenty of advice on what makes a good party, so try and get through the first seven minutes or so when we talk about vomit and nullos.

It’s a long one, so strap in and get ready for the best hour of your life*.

If you want to get Joz to entertain your kids (and by all accounts he is excellent at it), you can message him on Twitter.

Thanks for listening with your ears,

Robbie & Sally xxx

* This probably won’t be the best hour of your life

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